Nothing will make you realize that your actions have consequences like having a toddler.
Note that I am talking about my actions and their consequences, not about teaching my toddler about the consequences of her actions. Let me explain.
A few weeks ago, we had the first Monday of our “new schedule.” In this plan, Jim hangs out with Hope until lunchtime on Monday morning, and I have between 2 and 3 hours of creative space to write, plan, outline, etc. Pure magic! That is, until I waltzed into the kitchen while he was making oatmeal and made 3 critical errors:
1) I grabbed a clear ponytail holder and put Hope’s hair into a “fountain”
2) I took Hope’s hair out of the “fountain”
3) I snagged a flavored Greek yogurt from the fridge.
Now, on their own, neither of these are mistakes, per se. But taken in context, they weren’t exactly wise moves. You see, we are actively trying to get Hope to stop sucking her fingers as a comfort action. It was great when she was a baby and needed to self-soothe, but now that she has almost all her teeth, it’s messing up her orthodontic future. When she has a ponytail and is bored, she will play with her hair with one hand while sucking the fingers on her other hand. It’s an almost automatic response, especially when she has nothing else to entertain her… such as when she is waiting on breakfast. Mistake #1 = made.
Once I realized this (or better, “remembered” this—as her mom, I definitely should have known she would respond with finger-sucking), I reached over and took out the ponytail holder. As you might have guessed, this did not go over well. And by that, I mean that she melted into a crying toddler puddle. Mistake #2 = made.
Then came the kicker: instead of moving toward her and explaining (again) why we don’t want her sucking on her fingers, I turned to the fridge and grabbed a mixed berry Greek yogurt. I was hungry and needing to get out the door for my sacred writing space. But because Hope was having oatmeal for breakfast and not Greek yogurt, this move did not go over well. Now thanks to the power of suggestion and her present state of meltdown, she desperately wanted my yogurt. Mistake #3= made.
And while all of this happened in the span of approximately 1 minute, the recovery and reset took substantially longer. After calmly asking me and my yogurt to leave the room, my husband proceeded to guide our daughter out of her frustrated, emotion-filled space.
Obviously, on their own, none of my actions were “wrong,” but collectively they showed a lack of awareness, both of my surroundings and of my family members. And while Hope’s ponytail-and-yogurt-induced meltdown wasn’t technically my fault—even though she is a toddler, she is still responsible for her reactions—my actions certainly didn’t set her up for success. If I had been more in tune with the situation, I would have recognized that my three moves (making the ponytail, undoing the ponytail, eating the yogurt) were bound to have some less-than-stellar results. So why, then, did I do them?
There are likely a few different reasons.
1) I was in my own little world. Excited to have a dedicated time and space for my creative work, I breezed through my morning routine and into the kitchen, not pausing to notice what was already happening, i.e. that my husband was actively making oatmeal, not dishing up yogurt, and that he had chosen not to put Hope’s hair in a ponytail. Had I taken a moment to observe my surroundings, I wouldn’t have unintentionally “stirred the pot.”
2) As a result of reason #1, I didn’t think about the impact of my actions. Despite being a historian and constantly emphasizing the importance of cause and effect to my students, sometimes I can be remarkably clueless about the consequences of my own actions. Of course abruptly taking away my daughter’s comfort ponytail wasn’t going to go over well. And then immediately flaunting a yogurt she couldn’t have was only going to exacerbate the situation. For someone so “book smart,” sometimes I can be incredibly “life dumb.” (insert facepalm emoji here)
Fortunately, though, this set of mistakes did not ultimately define the day. My husband helped get Hope back on track, and based on the photos he texted, they had a great morning of daddy-daughter adventuring. I still made it to campus and had a productive window of creative thinking and writing, as evidenced by this blog entry. Toddlers can have blessedly short memories, and the thankfully consequences of my cluelessness didn’t last long past my hasty exit.
That said, I want to take that morning’s misadventure as a reminder to be more aware of how my actions affect others. While there is nothing wrong with being excited about the next thing—and I am so grateful for things to be excited about—I don’t want this “forward focus” to prevent me from tending to those around me. Maybe this is why the Bible repeatedly reminds us to slow down and pay attention:
- “Remember this, my dear brothers: Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)
- “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
And the real kicker:
- “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” (Proverbs 19:12)
In our fast-paced world and our go-go-go lives, it can be so easy we lose sight of the needs, circumstances, and perspectives of others. For me, these verses are a helpful reminder to pause, breathe, and take stock what is happening before coming in like a proverbial wrecking ball. (Yes, that song will now be stuck in your head all day. Sorry, not sorry.)
Alright, that’s enough deep thoughts for this morning. It’s time for lunch. Maybe I’ll stop on the way home for some Chick-fil-A… and I’ll get enough to share with Hope! 😉
In Plain Sight 